I’m sitting here on my couch. Staring at the ceiling and, having just finished Girl Boss on Netflix, feeling quite emo.
I’ll be 28 next week and to some that may seem young but to me it signals that my time is running out. My time to do something fucking amazing with my life is getting smaller and smaller. (I don’t even know where I’m about to go with this blog but bear with me readers of the world wide web.)
My whole life has always revolved around pleasing others, caring for others….others being the underlying issue. I got straight A’s, went to college, got a respectable job…blah blah blah. Shit, I even made sure not to offend anyone in the process. I’ve always been pressured to be perfect, to be something that I’m not.
I want to cry and scream all at the same time. What the hell am I doing?
I’ll be 28 next week and feel like I’ve got nothing I can call my own. I own this blog, I have a YouTube channel but I can’t even find the time to shower, let alone post. And growing up is hard, man. It’s hard because no one tells you what you’re doing right. It’s always about what you’re doing wrong and I’m sick of it.
The happiest time of my life was after college when I was creating and uploading content on a consistent basis. I was free to do what I wanted…finally. I was free from the confines of society and family. But I fell victim to it once again and got a “real” job as my family likes to put it. Growing up is a lie and I think I’m gonna skip it.
I don’t know what comes next in my life. Shit, I don’t even know what I’m gonna have for breakfast tomorrow morning but I do know something’s coming and it’s strong as shit. Like me. Maybe these are the ramblings of an overtired mom who hasn’t washed her hair in three days or maybe, just maybe, these are the seeds of a dreamer that has lied dormant in me for too long.