As I sit here in the Tijuana airport waiting another eight hours for our flight, contemplating the trust I bestowed upon my husband to set an alarm early enough for us to catch our original flight, and in shock that the Fanta here tastes like nectar of the gods, I wonder what it is that fuels fights between lovers. Is it the fact that one is perhaps not as punctual as they originally claimed to be or is it something deeper? I am in constant awe of the amount of trouble couples seem to have and while their arguments may seem superficial (You left the toilet seat up! You didn’t pay the bill…you, you, you), I like to believe in the inherent goodness each partner possesses. Call me a Humanist if you must. So, because I am in a bit of a sour mood with the man who couldn’t be on time even if World of Warcraft announced they were giving out life time supplies of their game, I would like to take this time to talk about five things we can do as an individual pillar of the relationship to get over the minuscule issues and simply just love:
- Think positive: Yes, you’re partner can sometimes have the mentality of a kindergartner, and okay sometimes they seem to be worse off then the lady in The Notebook who forgets her own kids, but remind yourself of why you are with them. Our brains have a natural tendency to think of the negative but push past that and think of the times they allowed you to do their cosplay make up after years of begging. Think about the time they tried to dance with you even though they looked like they could have been suffering from Epilepsy on the dance floor. Just cherish the time you have with them because moments are fleeting and the minute they are gone you can never touch them again only remember them. So, remember the good.
- Do something nice for them: Even if you’re mad! Doing something kind for someone else always makes you feel better. So whether it be picking up their suitcase because they look like they’re going to fall over (points no fingers) or popping a top ramen in the microwave just to say I love you, do it. Even if you’re bitter. Even if you can imagine leaving them behind and grabbing the next flight to Paris. Remember you’re inherent goodness. Do you want to add fuel to the fire or to be the bigger person? It’s always up to you.
- Hold their hand: Studies have shown that couples who touch more often, argue less. They also show that arguments dissipate faster if the couple is touching in some way. Grab their hand and squeeze it, not only are you using their hand like a stress ball but you’re helping to end the mishap earlier. And who doesn’t want to grab a plate of Enchiladas at the airport and catch up on their blog because the argument is over? 😉
- Remember humans make mistakes: No one is perfect. The person you are with isn’t with you because you are. People don’t love the perfection in others but rather the imperfections that make them unique. If we all loved perfection and were in fact perfect we wouldn’t have such a problem finding a mate. Eharmony and Tinder would be outta business and romance movies would be a joke. Sorry, Nicholas Sparks we still await your next regurgitation of The Notebook!
- Take a step back: If the argument gets intense or the feelings become overwhelming walk away. Now, don’t just drop the conversation without notice. Simply say, I” need a moment” or something along those lines and get some fresh air. When we are emotional we make stupid decisions, say cruel things, and hurt the one we hold dear. I am guilty of all of these things, but I have to remind myself that the man who runs around like a headless chicken for more than half of the day is my partner. My partner in life and my partner on the road to finding not only each other but ourselves. We are growing and aging together and this will, without a doubt, bring about problems but I take a step back and become the omniscient narrator. I take a step back and observe the idiocy in arguing over time.
*I would like to add that these tips apply to healthy relationships. If you feel that you are doing all of these but your partner is rude, uncaring and just lethargic than in reality there is not much more you can do. As I stated above, these are things we can do as a singular pillar not plural. We can jump through hoops like a damn circus poodle named Mimi but you’re partner better be willing to play the part of the peanut in the circus with you.